Emotional Abuse

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. - Psalms 9:9

Emotional abuse is painful and extremely real. When people think of abusive relationships, they often associate them with physical violence. You can see the bruises or broken bones, but this isn't the only type of abuse there is. There are other kinds of abusive behavior that can be directed against a partner, family member or even colleague. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence, and it can have devastating effects on the mental health of the victim.

The first thing you need to understand is that emotional abuse is a crime, and you do have places to go to seek safety from an abuser. At their core, all forms of abuse are behaviors the abuser uses to control, coerce, and maintain the power they've acquired over their victim through fear and intimidation.

The victim of emotional abuse has been groomed by the abuser to accept the abuse as "normal." They learn to accept this treatment as "what they deserve." The abuser starts out many times as a charismatic and even kind person and gains the victim's trust. Once they have that, they can start manipulating and controlling them. Just the same way the devil has manipulated a lot of people into been depressed, sad, angry and sucidal.

Emotional abuse, however, can be hard to detect at first. You know if someone causes you direct physical harm. But tactics of emotional abuse can be so subtle that you may not even realize at first you are being manipulated and threatened. And this can lead to you questioning yourself.

You start thinking: maybe I am wrong. Maybe I do not remember the situation accurately. Like they keep telling you. You can start to feel crazy and feel that you can't trust yourself, your memories, or your judgments. But you are not crazy. This is their way of keeping control over you. Learning about emotional abuse can help you get on the path to recovery.

The Bible does not use the words emotional abuse, but there are plenty of characteristics of emotional abuse addressed in Scripture. Emotional abuse can take many forms, including verbal assaults, threats, and insults; and non-verbal rejection, neglect, and isolation—when these behaviors are recurring, they become a pattern of emotional abuse. The most common victim of emotional abuse is a spouse, a child, or a friend who loves the abuser and is unwilling to walk away from the situation.

We have examples of emotional abuse in the Bible: Abigail was almost certainly married to an emotionally abusive husband—Nabal is described as “surly and mean,” insulting, and “wicked” by the people who knew him best (1 Samuel 25:3, 14, 25). Also, we see King Saul’s verbal mistreatment of his son Jonathan in 1 Samuel 20:30. The Babylonians “killed the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes. Then they put out his eyes,” ensuring that the last thing he ever saw was the death of his sons (2 Kings 25:7); this atrocity combined physical abuse with emotional abuse. Delilah’s nagging of Samson “day after day until he was sick to death of it” (Judges 16:16) is another example of emotional, or possibly psychological, abuse. According to the Bible, the actions of an emotional abuser are sinful and not pleasing to God.

I pray for anyone going through any form of emotional abuse, the Lord will lift you from that abusive and toxic environment or relationship. The Lord will strengthen and guide you.